Thanks for following my 2nd pregnancy journey! I hope you find encouragement, inspiration and some helpful advice as we learn from Baby J2! Enjoy the second installment of My Pregnancy Journey: Mental Battles.
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My Pregnancy Journey: Mental Battles
It’s July, and by now you’d think, after weeks to get used to the idea, that I’m getting over my shock of a positive pregnancy test.
The truth? I am totally not.
I am still reeling. Here I was, thinking I’m Mrs. Cool-as-a-Cucumber, dealing with new situations and ready to take anything on. Instead, I feel totally flustered and scatter-brained.
Watching Kai, who is now walking and getting into EVERYTHING, I can’t help but wonder…
Two under two… how am I going to do this?
I try to talk it up. It’s so common! So many mamas out there have babies close like this, and so many of them aren’t necessarily planned. They survive it just fine.
I can do the same.
While my brain knows this, my brain is also battling with itself–the famous war of adaptability against control-freakism. The clashing of swords and swirling thoughts is enough to exhaust me… even more than usual.
Get It Together
I get a lot of support from my church family. All the moms encourage me with twinkling eyes and little smiles. In the grand scheme of things, this really is a beautiful thing.
Think of it! My babies will be close together. They’ll be good friends growing up. I’m already in the diaper changing, tornado-mess, no sleep season of life anyway.
Honestly, it’s okay to freak out a little, but it’s not that drastic. I know this, and I feel silly for the wide-eyed shock I’m showing to the world.
I feel like people are rolling their eyes at me, thinking I’m being very weak-minded about this. If I let my thoughts go down that road, I’ll start to feel paranoid. It’s best to leave that one there. I’m worried about enough as it is.
It’s time to pull it together. It really, very truly, is going to be okay.
Is This Normal?
You bet it is.
After some serious introspection, I discover what truly bothers me. I take “Momming” seriously. Very seriously. It’s not a game, it’s not a fashion statement, and it’s not a cute way to grow a social media following.
For me, it’s the responsibility of life placed in my hands. For the next 2 decades, I have a direct influence on how another life is going to turn out.
Honestly, it’s actually forever.
So no, this isn’t a joke. According to my Type-A, every baby was supposed to be a planned, well-mapped decision between my husband and myself. It was going to be a calculated decision and a serious task we agreed to take on, when we felt healthy and ready to do so.
And then along came life and the Lord. With a big fat monkey wrench and a great sense of humor.
Sure, we were a little naive about the whole thing (mostly me), but the intentions were out of pure love for our family and a desire to succeed.
Being able to see the truth for what it is helps me feel a lot better about my freak-out. I’ll still need some time to adjust, but I will adjust, and then I’ll move forward–elated, full of joy, and absolutely in love with this baby.
Just give me some time to continue freaking out for a little bit longer.
If This Is You, You’re Not Alone
If you’re in the same position, it’s okay to freak out a bit over a surprise pregnancy. It’s a big deal!
You take parenting seriously, you love your family, and, let’s face it, you just plain may not have felt ready. So even if you’re freaking out just for your own sake–that’s okay too!
Allow yourself the humanism to feel how you feel.
Things start to get better, feel more normal, and do eventually become exciting all over again.
Thanks for reading My Pregnancy Journey: Mental Battles! Join me in installment #3 coming soon!
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